May 13, 2006

Loosen my grip

I think it is funny (not in a humorous way, more in an ironic way) that we as Christians are continously told to let go of things, yet grip harder. Letting go is a difficult lesson to learn. When I became a Christian, I thought letting go of things and situations would be easy; after all, who wouldn't want the God of the universe in charge of things we cannot handle? In the head, it makes perfect sense.

However, letting go is not an easy thing to do. Why we continue to think that in our human-ness we can do a better job than God, I don't know. I thought it would get easier to do as I got older--in years and in faith. Nope. I think it got harder.

I realized this week that there are times when drastic measures are needed in order to begin the letting go process. Now, perhaps the PMS hormones contributed, I can't be sure. But, I took the drastic measures. Two days later, I don't regret it. I am saddened, but don't regret. There's a differences.

Today at graduation, one of the speakers said this:
"Open your hands and lift all your dreams, your gifts to God. God cannot pour his blessings into a clenched fist."
I don't think I am quoting exactly, but pretty close. The point is, that totally spoke to me. How many times have I clenched my fists, wanting God's blessings in things that I wouldn't give up to him? In this year alone, I can count many, big and small.

Maybe not everyone needs drastic measures, and maybe I won't need them forever. But taking the drastic measures that practically force me to let go allows me to open up my heart to trusting God more than ever. I still pray about that which I let go of, but I am finding that it no longer consumes me as it did when I was clenching my fists. What God will do with it, I don't have the slightest idea. But, it is in his hands now, which is where it should have been in the first place.

On a less contemplative note, another year has come to an end. No, it is not December 31. When you work at an institution of higher education, the year ends with graduation. It begins at the end of August. Summer? Pht, what's that? I should have been a teacher...

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