I know I've been absent. I've been chastised for it, don't worry. It seems to be a recurring theme amongst the blog world; some of my favorite bloggers suddenly MIA, their blogs sitting, vacant since mid-summer or fall. Are we lazy? Too busy? There could be multiple reasons/excuses to throw out there. The funny thing is, we all come creeping back to the blog...slowly, maybe with a few pictures at first, then with some soliloquy, then a quick life update, and then nothing for long periods of time again. Okay, so maybe that's just me. Let's move on...
I'm turning 30 in nine days. This is a crazy thought to me. So crazy, I felt like I needed some epic project to countdown the days. On Sunday during church, it came to me: write one blog a day until the big day. Obviously, I've already somewhat failed this project and missed one day, but I'm going to be diligent from now on and even attempt to write an extra one today to make up for the slip.
When I was young, 30 seemed so old. Well, to be honest, when I was young, 8th graders seemed so old. It's all about perception, really. In Kindergarten, the Junior Highers seem old; in Junior High, the Senior Highers seem old; in Senior High, College Students seem ancient, and in College, 30 is far, far away...yet here I am, standing on 30's doorstep.
I don't feel like I am turning 30. In fact, from day to day, I feel a different age. There are some days when I feel like a little kid, so excited about the littlest thing. Other days, I feel like my emo-teenage self, ticked off and sullen and withdrawn. There are days I swear I just graduated from college, or am not old enough to be out of college yet. "Where did my 20s go, and how did I get this job? I don't think I'm qualified..."
I say I don't FEEL like I'm turning 30, but is age something we really feel, like an emotion? It is but the number of years we've been on the earth; the number of years we've been breathing outside the womb (unless you are from a culture that counts the womb as one year...in that case I totally missed my 30th birthday and am really 31, which is kind of nice). If I am "feeling my age", what does that really mean? I know of 80 year old men and women who, due to the lifestyle they have chosen, probably are not feeling their age, but feel as young as me.
These are some unfinished thoughts, but thoughts I have as the "BIG 3-0" approaches. I don't feel like I'm turning 30, and I don't think I have to. But I can celebrate it, and celebrate the 30 years God has given me. With cupcakes. And maybe Karaoke. Maybe.